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1 Diary of A snow Shoveler on Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:45 pm



December 8 - 6:00

It started to
snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked
like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
> newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9

We woke to a beautiful
blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the
landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be
a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here
was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the
first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon
the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What
a perfect life!


The sun has melted all
our lovely snow.. Such a disappointment! My
neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be
awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end
of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
> I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a
nice man, I'm glad he's our

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches
last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came
back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff

December 15

20 inches
forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
> Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a
wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after

Ice storm this
morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
laughed for an hour, which I think was very


Still way below
freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
> Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
> blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at
the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
> should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I
> can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
> room.

Electricity's back
on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last
> night. More shoveling! Took all day. The
> damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a
> neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
> playing hockey. I think they're lying.
> Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a
> snow blower and they're out. Might have another
> shipment in March. I think they're lying.
> Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
> bill me. I think he's lying.
> December
> 22
> Bob was right about a
> white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit
> fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt
> till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up
> to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the
> time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too
> tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on
> his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's
> too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
> December
> 23
> Only 2 inches of snow
> today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me
> to decorate the front of the house this morning. What
> is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that
> a month ago? She says she did but I think she's
> lying.
> December
> 24
> 6 inches - Snow packed
> so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I
> was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of
> a bitch who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him
> through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my
> broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and
> waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
> street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
> I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing
> Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was
> too busy watching for the damn snowplough.
> December
> 25
> Merry f---ing
> Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -
> Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
> boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough
> driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
> head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
> attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If
> I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
> more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
> microwave.
> December
> 26
> Still snowed in.
> Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
> idea. She's really getting on my
> nerves.
> December
> 27
> Temperature dropped to
> -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of
> waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my
> pipes.
> December
> 28
> Warmed up to above
> -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me
> crazy!!!
> December 29
> 10 more
> inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
> cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
> heard. How dumb does he think I
> am?
> December
> 30
> Roof caved in. I
> beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a
> million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also
> for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
> The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches
> predicted.
> December
> 31
> I set fire to what's
> left of the house.. No more
> shoveling.
> January
> 8
> I Feel so good. I
> just love those little white pills they keep giving
> me. Why am I tied to the
> bed

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