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1 You think English is easy ?? on Sun Nov 02, 2008 2:33 am

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You
think English is easy???



Read
to the end . . . a new twist

1) The bandage
was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was
used to produce produce .

3) The dump was
so full that it had to refuse more refuse .

4) We must
polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could
lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier
decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there
is no time like the present , he thought it was time to present
the present .

8) A bass
was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at,
the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not
object to the object.

11) The
insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a
row among the oarsmen about how to row ..

13) They were
too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck
does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress
and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with
planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind
was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing
the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to
subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I
intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it -
English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in
England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it
that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't
ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem
crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers
taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does
a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was
invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human
race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are
out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why
doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of
the English language might enjoy this .

There is a
two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word,
and that is 'UP.'

It 's easy to
understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at
the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the
officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP
a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver;
we warm UP the leftovers and clean < U>
UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP
the old car At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP
an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed
is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special ..

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP
because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be
pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP ,
look the word UP in the dictionary. In a
desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of
the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is
used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you
don't give UP , you may wind UP
with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is
clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is
clearing < U > UP ....

When it rains,
it wets the earth and often messes things UP .
When it doesn't
rain for awhile, things dry UP ..

One could go on
and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time
is UP , so........it is time to shut UP !
Oh . . . one
more thing:

What is the
first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

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